Exhausted
Milli's okay now, she ate a little dinner and drank some water, and is currently sulking at the base of the floor lamp in the corner - I had to remove the strip of scrap carpet that I had under the bed, on account of all the puddles of explosive bunny diarrhea she'd left on it. I guess I'll try and clean it up tomorrow and bring it back inside. Right now I replaced it with the strip of plastic floor covering that I'd bought from City Mill some time ago, and she refuses to set foot on it.
So today was very exhausting. Two baths for Milli, and having to carry her around while she clawed up my chest and neck area, and worrying about her getting hypothermia or not eating, and barely eating myself, and moving furniture so I could clean up her mess under the bed, and moving more furniture to keep Milli contained in the living room where I could keep an eye on her (can't see her under the bed without a flashlight, and can't reach her either). I feel so tired and yet I'm afraid Milli isn't all better yet (still seems bloaty and she didn't actually finish her dinner or use the litterbox), so I'm kind of afraid to go to sleep. All leftover worries from Max (mommy misses you so much).
So stressed out today I broke out in rashes and also ended up with new inflamed bug bites of some sort all up and down my legs (I'm hoping I didn't bring back bedbugs from Tricia's apartment). The muscles in my neck, back, and shoulders are just throbbing with pain, and my arm and legs are achy from carrying Milli around and keeping her in my lap on and off all day. Stress. And I'm still worried about her. And when I'm done worrying about her, I'm going to worry about Rob, because I still keep coming back to the memory of him crying, and it makes me want to cry. So much tension - and it's only been a month since Max died, only a year since Rob aborted our proto-relationship, and I feel like I've been feeling this way for much longer.
Trying to get through all this without giving in to despair, or coming out of it bitter, or angry, or hateful, or a hypocrite. Have no idea how.
So today was very exhausting. Two baths for Milli, and having to carry her around while she clawed up my chest and neck area, and worrying about her getting hypothermia or not eating, and barely eating myself, and moving furniture so I could clean up her mess under the bed, and moving more furniture to keep Milli contained in the living room where I could keep an eye on her (can't see her under the bed without a flashlight, and can't reach her either). I feel so tired and yet I'm afraid Milli isn't all better yet (still seems bloaty and she didn't actually finish her dinner or use the litterbox), so I'm kind of afraid to go to sleep. All leftover worries from Max (mommy misses you so much).
So stressed out today I broke out in rashes and also ended up with new inflamed bug bites of some sort all up and down my legs (I'm hoping I didn't bring back bedbugs from Tricia's apartment). The muscles in my neck, back, and shoulders are just throbbing with pain, and my arm and legs are achy from carrying Milli around and keeping her in my lap on and off all day. Stress. And I'm still worried about her. And when I'm done worrying about her, I'm going to worry about Rob, because I still keep coming back to the memory of him crying, and it makes me want to cry. So much tension - and it's only been a month since Max died, only a year since Rob aborted our proto-relationship, and I feel like I've been feeling this way for much longer.
Trying to get through all this without giving in to despair, or coming out of it bitter, or angry, or hateful, or a hypocrite. Have no idea how.
posted by Chris at 12:10 AM
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