My inner child has to die

Or something like that. I mean, she can be so cute, and optimistic, and trusting, and innocent, and always trying to see the good in things... and that's why she has to go. This isn't the place for her. All children, save one, grow up, and he doesn't live in this world anyway. She isn't, for lack of a better word, real. I decided long ago to make myself that way and I've come to the decision that I should unmake it. It's all a delusion, and it's keeping me from getting over things. Idealistic, childish bullshit. Forgiveness... have you read the definition of the word? She thinks it's entirely possible and easy to do if you just imagine being in the other person's shoes (and of course assume that the other person is inherently good). I don't think it's possible, not anymore. An excuse, to pretend that I'm not angry. Because I want to think that I'm so damn good, so pure, that I can forgive any abuse. Idiocy. There are things you can't ever forgive. All you can do is forget, and when it's forgotten, it's gone, and hopefully it takes everything else with it.

Stop thinking about it. Stop remembering. For gods' sake, stop crying. Of course it hurts. It's the truth. It does that. Get used to it and move on.

You're just another human. Just one of many, and just as flawed and ugly and filthy as the rest. You don't "get" them? Please. Of course you do - you're just the same as any of them. Selfish and shallow and thinking way too highly of yourself. And you're a girl, just like any other girl. Easily replaceable. Easily forgettable. Get off your damn pedestal.

. . . . .

Sorry, lost train of thought completely. Tired. Tearing yourself down and rearranging the pieces is tiring. But I think progress is being made. Misguided love is turning into hate/anger, and I know that when I get angry enough I'll stop caring about anything entirely.